Venom, Sarcasm and Blondes
by thegoodgirldoll
Summary: a Humorous story about Arthur's snake attack.His visit to St.Mungos and a bit beyond.He bonds with his Asssigned Volunteer Ian Mckinley and Havoc ensues.This sarcastic,smartass,intuitive teen and adult show that together, is the only way they can make it
1. Chapter 1

Arthur stroked mollys hair lovingly ignoring the pain. she was strewn beside him on the small hopsital bed and he sighed,...how had he gotten into this mess? how could the snake have affected his heart? none of it made sense to him..the only thing he knew was that he wanted to go home...and that he wanted to kiss and hug his wife without pain and again amd that he wanted to see his children..who werent allowd in due to his weak heart...they snuck in anyway but it wasnt the same.....he wanted the pain to be gone but even the morphine helped none....when a young boy came to volunteer one day though, he packed up the courage to ask him about this condition..hoping the child would know something...he looked very intuivtive and shy..but also very cunning and trustworthy...so during a storm of pain, when molly was home getting clothes for him...he asked the child about his condition and pain. Ian looked at Arthur, his eyes open and wide,

", sir, I am no doctor, but the snake that bit you was obviously poisonous. It dosn't take a genius to figure out that the venom went into your blood stream." Ian smirked and Arthur rolled his eyes,

"Oh, great.. A wise guy. Well, Einstein. Tell me what is going to happen to me?" Ian laughed

"Probably nothing. The doctor will give you some meds and that's that.." Arthur sighed with relief. "I mean there is only like a 40% chance of you dying from it," continued Ian. Arthur spit out the water he had just drank onto the floor

"40% CHANCE? YOU'RE KIDDING ME!?" Ian laughed hysterically,

"No, man. Chill out. Hahah. The chance of you dying is 1 in a million." Arthur rolled his eyes, but the panic in his heart slowly died down.

"My name is Arthur, to you. Don't use your childish slang words on me, okay Mr.? What's your name, son?"

"Mckinley.....Ian Mckinley."

"Good..now were on a name basis...whats your story smart guy? ive been dying to know whats going to happen to me and in one split moment you almost mentally kill me...do you do that to all of your patients?" ian smirked and thought before replying,

"only the ones that look scared." Arthur furroiwed his eyebrows.

"I look scared?"

"Petrified."

"Really, why? i am but..how can you tell how people feel without asking them? good judgement?" Ian laughed,

"You don't have to tell a person anything to know their true emotions. You just look into their eyes. You can see fear, sadness, love, lust, anger, revenge, and even a sinner. Eyes have been sorta my way of telling people's emotions before I deal with them. People like it when you make eye contact too so it's all good." Arthur chuckled,

"You can see all that from an eye?" Ian nodded. Arthur smiled. The room was silent and Arthur looked at Ian. His shoulders were shrugged, his eyes glued to the floor, his arms crossed. Arthur knew right then that Ian had a deeper story to tell and he just hoped Ian would soon share it with him

"Well....mr weasley..i came in here to ask you if you wanted water so...need any?"

"No and dont change the subject..i can tell from your eyes you have something on your chest." he winked a bit but was doing his best to stay serious. ian took in a deep breath then sighed.

"Well....its nothing i really want to share." he ventured amd arthur nodded. "I understand....if you need to though, you can talk to me." ian looked into his eyes from a moment then pulled away painfully.

"Id rather not talk to a good father about my horried one." he mumbled, and arthur sat speechless

Ian sighed as his eyes watered,

"I'll go get some water," he said running out the door wiping his sweatshirt across his face. Arthur screamed

"Stop!" Ian immediately did so. He didn't make eye contact with Arthur, but decided to talk to him.

"What do you want, ?" Arthur gestured the boy to come over. Ian walked to the side of Arthur's bed.

"Do you and your father not have a good relationship? Let me tell you something. I was 4 years old when I lost my father and you know what the last thing I said to him was? "You are the worst father ever." Ian was in shock,

"I'm soo sorry. What happened to him, Arthur?" Arthur sighed "He lost against the one who shall not be named." Ian raised his eyebrows, but ignored the statement.

"Arthur, my dad is an awfull man."

"How so?"

"He abuses me...."

"He hurts you?"

"....so..som..sometimes..." '

"Ian...thats very important.."

"Its mr mckinley to you." Arthur smirked sarcastically.

"Ian, really..how long has your father abused you?"

"It depends sir."

"On what?"

"On what abuse you mean.."

"Hes abused you in more than one ways? What do you mean?"

"It depends on if you mean...mentally..physcally or--"

"Ian! your fathers....hes hurt you bad..hes..."

"Touched me? yeah..but you know, i dont want to talk to you about it..you seem so nice and my father says you always have to watch the nice ones so...." Ian had tears welling up in his eyues and he went to run but arthuur grabbed his arm and in the midst, had puled his stitches, he then groaned in pain

"Oh my gosh! Arthur? ARE YOU OKAY?" Arthur smiled trying to hold back pain

"That's .. OW! IAN, GO GET A DOCTOR!" Ian ran to a nurse who helped Arthur out. Ian meanwhile sat in the waiting room. When his wound was stapled and Arthur was given pain killers Ian was allowed back in.

"Arthur, you okay?" Arthur nodded

"Tehehe, fo shoo. Wow, I feel great!" Ian rolled his eyes

"You're just jacked on medication, Arthur.." Arthur laughed

"No way, home dog!" Ian rolled his eyes and walked out. He needed Arthur to be serious in his time of need, but the pain killers had taken him over. Ian went back into the waiting room. The hospital doors opened and came his ex-girlfriend Erin. Ian's eyes opened wide. Erin went up to a nurse

"Hi, I'm here to see Arthur Weasley? I'm his soon to be daughter-in-law." Erin showed the nurse the giant rock on her ring finger. Both Erin and the nurse giggled and jumped around excitedly. It was obvious that the two knew each other. Ian watched in shock. Erin, without noticing Ian walked into Arthur's room. Ian ran up to the nurse.

"You, you know her?!" The nurse nodded

"Yup, went to middle school with her. Nice girl." Ian sighed

"I know.. I'm Ian. Her ex.." The nurse dropped her jaw

"Oh, my Lord! This is not good... Not good at all.. If she asks tell her I didn't know." The nurse put her hands in the air and walked away. Ian smiled but then frowned. He couldn't believe his beloved girlfriend was engaged to his new friend's son.

Ian followed erin into arthurs room where she was leaving because he had found he was asleep. he bumped into her and she took in a deep breath. "Ian..." she said quietly and he smiled. "Yea...erin...wow..i wasnt expecting you...i heard your engaged back there though i....how do you know my volunteer patient?" Erin smiled.

"Im marrying his son soon...."

"Oh...oh ok...well...i better be getting back to him...we were in the middle of a convo and...im hoping he wakes up soon." she nodded.

"How is he really doing.?"

"Eh, theres only a 1 in a million chance hell die,.." unfortunately for ian...molly was standing right behind him, and as erin walked away and he walked into arthurs room where he was sleeping quite peacefully, molly began sobbing and screaming.

"Dammit!" ian yelled turning around, only to see a sobbing and angry molly weasley...Lord...he had no diea how he would handle with her with arthur knocked out, but doped up...it was going to be a long night for him, ad he began assuring her her husband was not going to die

", I can assure that.." Molly interrupted him

"That what?! That I am going to be a Ms. soon?! How can you do this to me?" " he wont...." Molly interuppted again and wouldn't let Ian talk when he finally couldn't take it. At the top of his lungs Ian screamed

", HE WILL NOT DIE! HE WILL BE JUST FINE! WE ARE TAKING VERY GOOD CARE OF HIM!" Molly looked at Ian furiously,

"Hmph, you better hope so or else.." Molly flipped her hair over her shoulder and left while her highheels echoed through out the building. Shortly after Arthur awoke more drugged up then ever

"What what did I miss?" Ian rolled his eyes

"Nothing, Arthur." Arthur hit the side of his bed

"I heard someone yelling!" Ian sighed

"You were dreaming, Arthur.. You were dreaming about our uptight wife.."

"Molly? Molly? Molly wasshere? Mollywobbles." he sighed into his pillow and ian smirked.

"yes....if thats what youd like to call her" Arthur nodded.

"Ian?"

"Yes arthur?"

"Do you see the stars?"

"No i...WHAT!?"

"The stars..look at the ceiling look at the stars..arent the beautiful?"

"Umm..NO!? Theyre are no starts we....ugh OMG we are inside a building ARTHUR! A SQUARE BUILDING WITH A ROOF AND NO STARS WHATSOVER!" ian yelled waving hus hands ariund madly making squares and roofs. arthur winced,.

"YOU DONT HAVE TO YELL!"

"NEITHER DO YOU!" arthur sighed and ian turned to the wall. "You're  
such a mean patient...now I feel guilty....I DONT EVER FEEL GUILTY!" ian yelled, he was just joking..he was always the guilty one but he decided to play along with arthurs high rant anyway."

Hey, Iannn?"

"What?" answered Ian quickly.

"I think I'm in love... With that fine lady next to me." Ian looked at Arthur crazy and looked at what he was staring at.

"Umm, Arthur.. That's a chair?" Arthur got impatient and angry

"Noo, the lady on the chair!!!" Ian raised his eyebrows,

"Umm, okay.." It was silent until all of a sudden

"Hey, Iannn? Does this outfit make me look fat?" Ian was very uncomfortable at this point. Ian smirked

"Hey, Arthurrr?"

"Yes, sweet lips?" Arthur replied quietly. Ian was finally creeped out.

"I.. I.. I have to go. See ya tomorrow." Ian left the room and 5 minutes later Arthur replied

"Aww, okay, sweetie. See ya tomorrow, honey!"

"Arthur...Arthur....you need to stop...really.. ian said quietly as he sat on the edge of Arthur's bed.

"what do you mean?" he asked studying Ian's face. "

You need to pull yourself together." he put his hands on Arthur's shoulders and spoke clearly.

"You...are...ha..llu..cin..ating..hallucinating. Badly. You need to take a deep breath and go to sleep, Ok?" Arthur nodded and rested his head down on his pillow, mumbling.

"Ok, that's good..." Ian stood but Arthur immediately looked at him with hurt eyes, The medication was somewhat wearing off but Arthur replied none the less:

"Your leaving? Its late...No one else is here..." Ian sighed, feeling quite guilty once again and he came to sit beside Arthur again, talking to him until the medication wore off early the next morning.

Ian was half asleep until a perky nurse came in with a highpitched barbie voice.

"Good morning, . It's time to check that boo boo of yours!" Ian laughed angrily

"He's not 5.. You can drop the voice and the baby talk." The nurse looked at Ian funnily

"Whatever do you mean, cutie?" Ian's eyes grew bigger

"Oh, my bad.. Sorry nevermind." The nurse walked closer to Ian and Ian jumped up walking away from her nervously

"You are soo stinkin' cute! I like you!" Ian looked at Arthur nervously and Arthur screamed "

Miss! My medicine please?" The nurse turned to Arthur

"Ooh, yeah! I forgot!" Ian then screamed

"I have to pee!" and ran out of the room until she was gone.

"Oh...my.....God." Ian yelled as he walked back into Arthur's room, clearly traumatized. Arthur laughed heartily as Ian plopped down beside him,

"Please, I beg you, don't tell me you don't know her!"

"No..no...never met her...you?"

"NEVER." Ian rubbed a hand over his face,

"Good....well, hows pain..or..after that...headahce?"

"I..I'd vote for headache, yeah." Ian chuckled.

"Your learning, eh?"

"Learning what?" Arthur asked.

"How to be sarcastic." Ian replied smiling, "Your learning from me, eh? ha ha. I'm teaching an old dog new tricks!" he laughed, elbowing Arthur lightly on his arm.


	2. Chapter 2

It was late the next night when Ian got back to the hospital, seeing as he didn't have volunteer hours during the day, and he sighed, knowing that once he walked in that room, his Friday night was over....Arthur just talked so much, and then he started talking, and liking the conversation and everything...spiralled from there!

Ian knocked before opening the door, and smiled slightly at Arthur as he walked in. He was propped up high on pillows, but looked quite pale.

"How are we today, Arthur?"

"Fine...and you Ian? I didn't see you at all this morning."

"Yeah...I usually don't have morning hours...you just kept me overtime the other day."

"Oh." Arthur replied, playing with the bedsheet, seemingly hurt and guilty.

"If you hadn't wanted to stay you could've just said so."

"No..No! Don't get me wrong, I wanted to its just..I usually don't find patients like you...I usually give them their water, listen to a second of complaining, say God bless or have a nice day and leave." Arthur laughed heartily as Ian took in a deep breath...he could see the boy usually wasn't socialable, as he had just stated.

"Well, how was your day, considering mine was nothing exciting?"

"Well, I went to the race track with my older sister....then I went shopping on my own at my favorite store...then I went Youth Group and then...i sat at home with a bag of chips watching TV and here I am now supposed to be telling you about your treatment and heart care. So, step one....DO NOT BUY BAGS OF CHIPS...THEY ONLY SIT THERE AND TEMPT YOU...I'm not even kidding, Arthur...by now they call out my name and I know it doesn't look it, because I think I'm bipolar or something..but I could finish a whole bag or two of those golden crunchers in 5 minutes!" Arthur laughed and Ian sighed.

"Anyways, there had to have been ONE exciting thing in your day...spill!"

"Ian, I'm not kidding, there was nothing today...medicine, medicine, and more medicine."

"Ha, you sure your not a drugee or were?"

"Umm..no...never."

"Haha."

"So...hows your family?"

"Ahh, as good as they can be....moms ok, sisters ok....dads...well...not there right now so, alls good i suppose." Arthur smiled and laid back further.

"Glad to hear it." he replied as he began asking Ian what the TV remote was for and, eventually, how to use it.

a\n: i know, really short, but i hope it was bittersweet and funny and next chapter will be longer...please please leave any good ideas though if you want to see it continued. :)

God bless


	3. Chapter 3

Ian woke with a start, banging his head against the back of his chair...His head felt fuzzy for a moment, but then he remembered where he was....He was in the waiting room...Asleep...Waiting for them to come out and tell him he could visit Arthur...He had had surgery a day ago and was now in ICU. Ian took in a deep breath, rubbing his eyes and sighing. It had been a week now since he had met Arthur, and already the man was weighing on his heart...He bent over and put his folded hands on his knees and prayed in silence for a few moments, until he heard the door to the small waiting room open, and a doctor step out. He immediately whispered an amen, and stood.

"Mr. Mckinley, I'm glad you're still here and haven't gone home after this long wait...I'm so sorry for it....But, Mr. Weasley has been asking for you, so, would you like to go and see him?" Ian smiled, grabbing his phone out of his black jacket pocket just as it vibrated and nodded.

"I would love too." The doctor smiled and put a hand on Ian's shoulder, squeezing it firmly before having him put on his name tag and then guiding him back to ICU.

"Now, Mr. Mckinley...you know the rules...wash your hands...don't agitate the patient...and you aren't allowd to give any medications..use the call button if you need anything and don't screw up...Family members let alone volunteers aren't usually allowd in ICU for 3 days after a patient's operation." Ian nodded, swallowing quickly before pushing open Arthur's door and stpeping inside, closing it slowly and quietly behind him. His eyes became full of love and frusteration for the man before him...lying in bed...pale, motionless except for his breathing, and dead-looking. He walked closer and sat on the side of the bed gently. He didn't move, nor say anything for awhile when, finally, Arthur looked up at him and his lips broke into a large grin.

"Ian....I didn't think you'd still be here..."

"They said you've been asking for me, though."

"Yes, well...I hoped." Ian smirked and nodded.

"I told you when you went in for surgery I wouldn't leave until you came out...I haven't been home for two days...."

"Well, I noticed that."

"How?" Ian asked....Usually, he was smart and quick, but he was so tired and worn out right now.

"You're wearing the same clothes you were wearing when they put me to sleep." Arhtur pointed out, looking at Ian's grey jeans, chained wallet hanging from his pants, his bright, limegreen shirt under a black zip up and his black cellphone in hand as it had been when Arthur went in for surgery....

"Oh..Yea, I am....Wow...That's umm....Really gross, sorry." He chuckled, embarrassed and Arthur laughed.

"It's fine....Really, fine......" Ian nodded and smiled slightly.

"How do you feel? Honestly...."

"I'm fine....There's a bit of pain but way less then last night..and now they got all the venom out my chest doesn't hurt as much."

"I'm glad...You shouldn't be as mentally stressed either though...they said you could go home in a week at least...That's fantastic, right?"

"I guess..."  
"You don't seem happy.."

"Well, once I'm gone we won't really see each other much...and I feel horrible because I'm priveledged you've opened up to me so much..." Ian looked at him for a moment before sighing.

"Arthur, the fact that I've opened up to you so much only means that you're easy to talk, undertsnading and helpful...You have given me amazing advice, and made me feel like I could be me again...You've helped me with so much in such short time that I'm not worried about me not seeing you ever single day...I'll still see you around and besides, now that you've helped me work through some of my fears and worries, I can stand alone...Andm we still have a week left...so what do yuo say we make the most of it?" Arthur smirked as Ian smashed their fists together.

"I'm in."

"Sweet." Ian replied quietly, jerking Arthur's hand toward him and finishing their handshake.

"You and I are going to make this hospital hell....starting with our blonde dimbo."

Arthur laughed and nodded his agreement....

Molly...would be so....angry.


End file.
